December Reflections 17: things I Missed

Before we sold up in Orkney and went on the road for a while, I had a large desk in our shared office where I would write with pen and ink or with electrons, a craft room for my paper crafts and photo studio etc, a caravan in the garden for my fibre crafts, and a huge kitchen with an AGA range where I would bake my daily bread and cook up a wide range of delights. I had creative hobbies coming out of my ears and all the time that I needed to indulge myself with them.

It was blissful.

When we travelled I found that my time was filled with simply being. I sort of missed my hobbies but not badly and I didn’t really yearn for them.

Since we bought this house I have become increasingly frustrated by the fact that I no longer have my “stuff”. I have to admit also that now that I have a retired partner, I miss having the time and personal space that I once filled with my hobbies. However, we kept on travelling and didn’t really spend much time at home.

Lockdown in 2020 has changed all that. I have spent long weeks at home. Have I filled my time with creative pursuits? Not at all, surprisingly. I haven’t knit or spun, the two crafts that I have retained some equipment and materials for, nor have I written. My blogs have been neglected and my pens lie unused, Even my camera, the great love of my creative life, has seen little use.

It frustrates me that I have increasingly missed my pursuits but that I have been unable to find will or energy to rediscover those things that have made me so happy in the past.

Recent weeks have seen an increased desire to get on with it and in fact the past few days have seen some action. I seem at long last to be making a mental commitment to a creative future.

Step one seems to have been in electing to do December Reflections again in 2020. So far I have managed to write something for each daily prompt this month. The content thus far might not be brilliant but the creative juices may be sparked by my intent and practice. I do hope so. What I do know is that the loving and supportive community in the associated Facebook Group are having a positively beneficial impact on my frame of mind. I thank those beautiful people for this and embrace them as my siblings.

This week I bought two DailyOM courses, with an intention to return to a daily writing habit that extends well beyond these occasional blog witterings, One of them I chose specifically to put some dynamite beneath a project that I have long been wishing to make progress on: my Left Luggage Office. The other course is to assist me in returning to something that I have loved in the past: the writing of Haiku, or something that passes for that amazing art form.

Then came the longing for some blank Journal books that will inspire me to write. I prefer to write on paper with real pens and proper ink as I find that to be more satisfying and it brings forth more inspiration and creativity, I have spent much of yesterday and today in trying not to press the submit button on a rather expensive shopping trolley!

Yesterday I purchased a fineliner pen for scribbles and Morning Pages.

Today I took steps to create myself a working space. It’s nothing like the multiple spaces that I used to enjoy. Our house is small and has little room for personal space.

Today I also tidied the bureau drawers and gathered together what remains of my inks and pens. I also made space for my pencils, coloured pencils and colouring books. I now have all that remains to me at hand.

Today I uninstalled from my tablet all of those silly games that have been taking up my time to no good end.

Today’s post at Crooked House

So, here I sit, at my little bureau in a quiet corner of the sitting room, with a dedicated light and music at hand. I can make the best of this, I am sure.

Now, about those journals that I “need”.

Notebooks, mostly blank

After tidying and sorting, I found that I have this array of notebooks and that each of them is largely blank.

Can I justify purchasing new journals, when I have all of this space already available to me? That’s rhetorical. Please don’t tell me that I don’t need to buy, buy, buy!

The thing is, I have this sense that I need virgin books to write in if I am to do things properly. These books that you see here have been scribbled in and (to my subconscious at least) spoilt. Some have mundane writings… shopping lists, travel mileages… I want, desire, possibly actually need new blank books that I can dedicate to “proper” writing. Or am I deluding myself? Simply being greedy? Just wanting to possess something that is stunningly beautiful? All of the above? Please. comment below!

I like my new space and I have enjoyed sitting here and writing this. It pleases me greatly that just being a couple of centimetres closer to my keyboard has enormously improved my typing accuracy and I have spent much less time than I have been used to in correcting errors. It has been far less of a frustration and rather more of a pleasure than it has been for a very long time.

I plan to face 2021 with a rediscovered writing habit and a new creative drive. I have taken symbolic action by creating a comfortable physical space and provided time and mental space by clearing out some dross. I have made a financial and therefore psychological commitment by buying two courses.

Next Steps: Contemplating taking up Zentangles as a readily portable hobby and daily habit that I can easily take away on my travels. If you are into Zentangles perhaps you could make yourself known in the comments below and we might discuss? Would I find it a useful substitute for my long lost rubber stamps and inks?

Since this lengthy post regards my Comfort, Things that I have Missed in 2020, and my Intentions for 2021, and also because I am looking to create time in which to begin different writings, this post serves December Reflections Prompts numbers 17, 21 and 28.

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