Still here (but barely)

Quiet around here, isn’t it? Many reasons, I think. There’s a general tiredness, lack of will and brain fog at the moment. Much can be attributed to the light Orcadian summer nights, the rest can almost certainly be laid at the door of unsettlement and uncertainty generated by recent happenings on the island.

We continue to have the most startling run of fair weather. Almost continuous sunshine seems to have beset us for weeks now. This at a time when we have over 21 and a half daylight hours – with all that sunshine pouring down on my pineal gland is there any wonder that when I go to bed my brain does nothing but race? My body thinks I should be up and at ’em, not sleeping. So I don’t sleep. And I haven’t  slept properly for weeks and my brain is just atrophying. The temperatures aren’t helping either, it is far too warm at night.

There is a list of ToDos on my mental desk, as long as my arm. Can I get them done? Why no. I sit at my PC, turn it on, and can’t even remember why I am sitting there.  Everything I do takes 3 times as long as usual – and not just because I am trying to use the handwritten entry. (It’s improving RSI matters a great deal but the frustration of the lack of speed, when it takes all day just to write one blog entry, just don’t ask!) I can’t even read. Seriously. Nil concentration. NIL!

And what are we doing with this fair weather? Are we rejoicing in it and getting out and about for a change? Why, of course not. It’s far too dispiriting to be out and about and with a view of police activity whichever direction we look. But now, at last, things are winding up and most of the boys in blue will be heading home to their loved ones. Job done; just the loose ends to tie up now. I doubt we’ll ever really get to know the full story. Rumour and supposition will be rife for years. The sense of violation will remain; the rift in our island idyll. Healing will take a long time. The world that many of us fled came here to find us. That is hard to take: the day that we first came to Sanday, a proud indigenous islander boasted to us that ours is a zero-crime environment – and that shall never be truthfully spoken again, shall it?

In all honesty, for whatever reasons, all I am doing at the moment is floundering. Tiredness, brain fog, RSI, and a new strange and very painful bleb on my right palm, are all limiting my activities. I tried a new knitting project, to see if it would galvanise and energise me. It didn’t. I loathe it.

Very little achieved this week at all. I uploaded some further images to the “Boloquoy Gallery” – these from one of our German visitors – and updated some pages on the Sanday web site. I hosted spinning on Wednesday and made cake, but there were just three of us to eat it. I did a lot of laundry. That’s it. Sum total of my week. That and the ‘orrible scarf I am knitting. What? You want to see it? Oh, hang on, I’ll get mi camera out…

Rhytidome WIP 1: full of mistakes
Rhytidome WIP 1: full of mistakes

Ugly yarn, tedious pattern (Oh, soooooo tedious!), and full of errors. Sorry about the camera shake, it was a slow exposure. (Which reminds me, I finally ordered myself a camera bean bag support – hooray!)

Plans for the weekend? Too tired to make them. I hope that we’ll make use of the sun and pack a picnic and take the cameras out. Somewhere that’s free of blue and white tape, that is.