December reflections 19: I said Goodbye To

Last year we lost my delightful Father-in-Law, the year previously we bid farewell to my lovely Mother-in-Law. This year we have lost nobody. Covid-19 has touched us only with a late report of my Brother-in-Law’s infection and he happily has recovered.

A good year for us, by comparison to that experienced by other people.

Although Chloe disappeared in late 2019, I still harbour secret hopes that one day she will appear at the skylight and demand to be let in. Dusty is however still with us and Nell carries on and looks good for a few more years yet, despite her forthcoming 14th birthday. We end 2020 with our pet count intact,

Things we have missed, we have not said Farewell to, we simply await our reintroduction when times improve.

Perhaps the only thing that I have apparently said Goodbye to is my healthy diet. Lockdown has not been good for Keto discipline, nor for Exercise. This year has been one for saying “Hello Chocolate!” “Hello Patisserie!” “Hello CHIPS!!” Yes, we are both comfort eaters and for us comfort comes in the form of carbs. It’s stupid, I know. I feel the worse for it and when I see photographs of myself I can see the damage done, even if the scales don’t fully acknowledge it. Fit has been replaced by Flab, and Fat weighs less than Muscle, so the scales remain where they are as my waistline grows and my face shows the fat accumulating. Clothes are becoming too tight for comfort.

I’m not obsessed with the Fat thing but I do miss the Fit thing and I really hate the joint pain that has come back with the carbs. I still don’t know if the problem is sugar or refined starches, as I am eating both. It’s one or the other or maybe both. But I can’t stop. Not at present.

I hope it’s not a real and final Goodbye. I hope to find the strength of character to get back on track but right now I feel that the discipline is too much in this year where treats and comfort feel so very necessary, just to get through.

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